Falling in love is scary. Falling in love with someone who lives across the world is even scarier.
I’ve found myself falling for this boy I met on the Internet and it scares me because I never thought it could happen, but it did. I have never really told anyone the whole story behind how I met him. So here’s my story:
I met him in a game, Diablo 3, in late July 2012, and before you go judging me, I wasn’t intentionally looking for a soul mate in a game. We started out as really casual in-game friends, if you will. We talked about the most basic things like what our real names are, where we live and what we like and dislike. I never expected this acquaintance to flourish into such a special friendship with such an amazing connection, and more than that, I never expected this friendship to exist outside the game.
His name is Derek. He lives in USA and I live in Singapore and we are exactly 12 hours apart. I found out that he’s working at his dad’s and we are both 23. We like pizza, beer and video games among other stuff. We found each other on Facebook and we continued to be in-game friends.
Then came one day, one fateful day, Derek’s housemate decided to use the bro code. Brought a girl home, and spent the entire night, well, you know. Derek, being the really nice person he is (and also to avoid all awkward moments), decided that he didn’t want to be at the house so he stayed in the shop, gaming alone, until he thought it was safe to go home. Because our time difference is 12 hours, I accompanied him while he waited out. He stayed up all night and only decided to head home at daybreak. We both thought it was best that he didn’t drive considering his lack of sleep albeit home being a short distance away. So I suggested that he walked home, and I’d accompany him on his walk home if he wanted me to. We then exchanged numbers and we started texting.
Everyday, for the next couple of months, we texted without fail. We texted each other from the moment we wake up all the way until we go to bed. And everyday, without fail and without much effort, he makes me smile. I found myself falling for him, and was relieved when I knew the feeling was mutual. He was there when I needed someone and vice versa. The texts became phone calls and video calls. Every now and then he would sneak me a video call at work. Soon, Derek became my favorite part of my day and everyday I looked forward to him. And because we are 12 hours apart, he made me a morning person. Mornings were so much better and easier because of his texts and calls.
We talked about our hopes and ambitions; we shared dreams and fantasized about our future. Most of all, we talked about our fears, baggages and insecurities. And for a moment, a very brief moment, I began to believe that we might actually have a chance if we dared take a leap of faith. I was scared, but I was hopeful.
I like how he loves all things space-y, like I love the stars and night skies and everything beyond the Earth. I like how he’s such a nerd, like how I’ve always been such a closet nerd. Did I also mention that he has the most amazing smile and the most gorgeous eyes? He is such a sexy man and who would have expected that a boy like him would be gaming. Everyday, I am grateful to have found him and have him in my life.
He makes me want to behave myself, and he makes me think twice before jumping into an argument with him. I never want to hurt him and I never could hurt Derek.
More importantly, he believes that I am good enough and because he did, I began to believe that I am. He finds me sweet, and smart and cute and sexy and everything I never thought I was. He made me believe. Derek made me feel alive and I thank him for that everyday.
What are the odds of finding someone like Derek on the Internet? When I count my blessings, I count him twice.
I know it sounds really silly to say that I think at some point in time, I fell for him. A person I’ve never met in real life. A person who lives all the way across oceans and continents. He genuinely meant something to me, and he still means a lot to me. Derek reminded me of my hopes and dreams, and how it feels like to be happy, and smiling, for real.
We thought about being in a relationship and how difficult it was going to be with the distance between us. Not to mention the amount of explanation we have to do when someone asks about it. Our friends thought we were crazy, and believed that it wasn’t real. To be honest, even without the labels, I was happy. We were happy, we were in some kind of a relationship but we were happy. It was like our own version of an epic love story, although we never talked about being in love because to be honest, we have never met and it would be crazier than it already is if we called this love. One thing I knew for sure was that I will always be the luckiest girl because I have Derek.
He was going to be my forever and always.
It is now March 2013 and things have changed. We started arguing about the most insignificant things and we’re not really talking now. It pains me because he is after all my favorite part of my everyday. I miss Derek. If I could go back to when the fights started, I would never lose my temper because I would rather lose my pride than lose Derek.
I just wished he would let me fall for him, and let me love him. And I wished he knew.
And to quote John Green, “It seemed like forever ago, like we’d had this brief but still infinite forever.” Maybe someday, he could be the great star-crossed love of my life.