I dreamed about you, again.

I had a dream about you. Several nights now, I’ve been having dreams about you, about us.

The dreams were a fraction of reality and I know this because in my dreams, we were dysfunctional. We were not together, but we were friends — this part is obviously the other fractions of the surreal world inside my head because you refuse to connect with me in any way. But in the dreams, we were being us. Candid, blunt and comfortable. It felt good to be around you again, even if it was fantasy.

It’s weird because the dreams were reflecting certain things. Like in one of the dream, we were at my place and you were browsing my shelves for books. I was just sitting there, doing my own things while we had this conversation:

Jack: Is this a new book?

Me: Yeah, why?

Jack: -inserts girlfriend’s name- has been wanting to read this for the longest time, can I borrow it?

Me: No, she can get her own book.

See what I mean? It’s like something you and I shared, but you want to share it with your girlfriend too. I guess when you’re in Singapore, there isn’t much you can do differently when you’re in a new relationship, is there?

So anyways, this was all I could remember from this dream. In fact, this is all I can remember from the few dreams I’ve had about you. It was something along these lines; my dreams know that we are not together, but we’re just hanging out.

To satisfy the curious cat in me, I went to google what it means to dream about one’s ex and it says that I still have feelings for you. Of course I still have feelings for you, what are you talking about? I knew what I was getting myself into when I asked for that break, and I would still do it if I could turn back time. This is not about feelings or you, this is about me and what I have to do for myself.

I need to stop having these dreams, I’d much rather have nightmares than to have dreams about you. I’m going to watch American Horror Story right now to make sure of that. Okay bye.

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