xxx used confusion, it’s super effective!

I think I was confused and that made a lot of people confused too. Everything seems clearer on hindsight, that’s life.

Sometimes when you’ve been with someone for so long, some where along the way, you forget what you’re in love with. The idea of being with someone, or that someone. I think that I’ve been in love with the idea of having someone around all the time that I confused myself.

I can’t deal with endings. Nothing should end. F.R.I.E.N.D.S should not end at the 10th season, school should not end, winter should not end — but I wouldn’t know anything about that since I’ve never experienced winter. Friendships should not end, relationships should not end, life should not end. I don’t know how to handle endings. All I’ve ever done to deal with these is to run and hide while I bawl my eyes out until it buries itself into the void within me.

I’ve had friends telling me that my relationship was over, long before it was over. Somehow I knew that before they did, I even prepped myself for it. Our relationship wasn’t healthy when he was here, i knew that there was no way we would survive the distance, and I’ve told him that. The second time he left Singapore, was about the time we were finally done and I was okay for the longest time, right up to the day he was supposed to be back the second time.

I don’t really know what happened, but somewhere along the way, I stopped missing him. I miss being around him, but I stopped missing him. I’ve always knew this, but I was still confused. Right now, it’s clear, crystal clear.

“When someone tells you that they somehow stopped missing you, you’re pretty much screwed, no matter what you say.”

– Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

xxx used full heal, Nicole is no longer confused.

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