Promises.

I can promise you that I will give you kisses every chance that I get, because to me, your kisses are the sweetest and dearest. I can promise you that I will always tell you how much I love you and not a day will go by that I will forget. Even if I’m tired, worn-out, and battered from the intensities of my day, I will always remember to tell you how I feel.

I can’t promise you that we won’t fight. Nor can I promise you that my arguments will always be reasonable. I can’t promise you that we will always agree to disagree about everything and nothing. I can’t promise you that I will always be rational, or easy to deal with. I can’t promise you that we won’t fight to keep us alive, or fall in love some more after all those fights.

I can promise you that I will always have your back, no matter what decisions you make in life. I can promise you that I will inspire you and be the solace that you seek when your day goes bad. I can promise you that I’ll always be by your side when you’re feeling weary and conflicted and on the verge of falling apart. I can promise you that I will love you with all my heart and soul and always strive to make you insanely happy.

I can’t promise you that I will eventually love watching the sci-fi movies, or TV shows that you love or ever get over my love for things that you don’t like. I can’t promise that your diet will be free of the vile fruit you hate – tomatoes. I can’t promise you that you won’t have to watch girly shows or that Squirtle will someday be a good pokemon. But we have a lot more in common than just these, so it’s okay. We’ll be okay.

I can promise you that I will always love the way you smell, even when you use that cologne you call Curve. I can promise you that I will always have my head buried in your chest, or my face in your neck because of the way you smell. Because when that happens, a sense of serenity and security engulfs me, telling me that everything is alright.

I can promise you that I will hold the crap out of your hand while walking down the streets anywhere in the world through all the seasons we weather. But I can’t promise that my hands will be anything but warm or sweaty. It’s a good thing you don’t mind any of that.

I can promise you that you make me a better person and hope that I do the same for you. I can promise you that I will always be the spark in your life, to challenge you and to spur you on. I can promise you that I will grow old with you and go through life’s ups and downs, come what may.

I can promise you that you make me the happiest girl in the world, and that you make me happier than I’ve ever been in my 25 years of age. The little things that you do for me, and how you notice the smallest thing about me when no one else bothers to. The way you hug me to sleep, shoving me to the safe side of the sidewalk, always holding the door for me, the way you look at me. The way you fall asleep, slowly at first, fighting ’til the end.

I can promise you that I do, so very much, love you too. I can promise you that I will always care for you, no matter what happens. I can promise you that I will never leave you to fend for yourself, or to abandon you when you need me most. I can promise you that I will see the world with you, and I can promise you that someday, the world will be ours to take.

Derek Hively, I can promise that you’ll be mine to love and to hold, forever and always.

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The entire universe conspired to help me find you.

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While I was trying to recover from the embarrassment minutes after the old man who sang to me decided that it was time for him to go home, I suddenly realised that he was just minutes away from where I am. Those were the longest couple of minutes I’ve ever had to sit through. And there he was, strutting in as if he wasn’t as nervous as I was. I swear I was the happiest girl in the entire McDonald’s the moment I saw him walking towards me.

About three weeks later, here we are.

His kisses take my breath away and his smiles give me butterflies.

He makes me happy, and I love him.

A story about love.

Photo 28-12-13 7 50 54 pm

This is a story about how I accidentally met someone and how my life hasn’t been the same since then. This isn’t exactly news because we go quite a long way back for two people who has never met. I know, everyone always meets someone accidentally and it almost always changes their lives. I’d like to think of my story as a little bit different than most.

I don’t think a lot of people believe in falling for someone you met online. It just doesn’t sound possible. Honestly, I would have thought that this notion of meeting someone online and then falling for each other a really absurd story, if it didn’t happen to me. All the skeptics are cringing right now, tossing their hate towards my way. To your dismay, something as unexplainable as this can actually happen, and it does. Not just to me, but quite a handful of others. I know it because Youtube.com shows it.

I’m excited to meet Derek for the first time, to go on our first date, to do our first everything. But more than that, I’m excited to see this man I’ve never met, who has the ability to make me fall heads over heels. For those who know (all too well), we have struggled and there were days that we thought we lost each other. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do and it still isn’t – long distance. It is really easy for other people to say what they’ve said – “Oh, if your love is strong, you will get through this.” or “I think you should just give it up, it is never going to work out.” Well, we have threaded on both extremes, and yet a little over a year later, here we are.

He still gives me butterflies when we Skype. His voice instantaneously makes my day. His texts leave me smiling like an idiot. He makes my heart melt, makes it skip beats and makes me really happy. I have a good feeling about us, I think Derek’s my once in a lifetime. The kind of relationships you read about in romance novels, the kind of feeling you get when you watch a romance movie.

I have never been happier in a long time.

This one’s for you baby.

This is for all the times you make me smile.

I get scolded for smiling at my phone. My friends know that it’s you on the other side whenever I start smiling like a goofball. My friends think I’m weird for smiling at my phone so much. Sometimes when I walk down the streets, I would smile to myself because I thought of you, or because I saw something that reminds me of you. Everyday at about the time you would wake up, my phone would buzz and I would smile because I know it’s you. I don’t know how you do it, but you make me smile when no one else can.

This is for all the times you were there for me.

I know this is possible because we are in different timezones and the 12 hours gap between us makes it that much easier but thank you for all the times you were there for me. At 3am, when I feel like crap, I know I can count on you to talk me out of feeling like crap. When horrible things happen to me, I know you are there to listen and sometimes even help. When weird people post pictures of clowns on my facebook wall, you helped me delete them despite hating clowns. Thank you for being near even when you’re so far away.

This is for all the times you make me feel like I’m good enough.

You think I look amazing, even on my worst days. You think that I’m not fat, even on days when I can feel my tummy hating on me. You think that I’m smart, even when I can’t spell certain words. You think that I’m perfect, even when I know I’m not. You think that I’m pretty, even when I have no make up on and my hair bunned up. You think that I’m beautiful, even when I just woke up and look grumpy. You think that I sound nice, even when I have the sniffles and sound like a man. Because you think I’m good enough, I’m beginning to think that maybe yeah, I am good enough.

This is for all the times you make me feel loved.

You refused to talk to me, or at least tried not talking to me when I refuse to eat. You would nag at me when I refuse to sleep. You threatened to beat up this one guy who tried to take advantage of me. You got upset when I refuse to see a doctor when I’m sick. You frowned and nagged when I refused to take my meds. You thought about getting on a plane when I told you about the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. You threatened to beat up Indonesia for all the smog they were sending us, making it difficult for me to breathe. It’s these little things that you do. ♥

This is for all the times you think you’re right.

Tomatoes are one of the most tasty things in the world, but I agree to disagree you because that is how much I like you. Squirtle is not the best starter Pokemon, but I let you think that because that is how much I like you. Tulips are not daisies, but I let you think that tulips and daisies can produce a mixed baby because that is how much I like you. I am always right and I always win, but I let you think that sometimes you are right, and I let you win sometimes because that is how much I like you. :3

This is for all the times you go all apeshit geeky.

Watching rockets take off makes you incredibly excited. Star Wars and Star Trek makes you oddly happy. Everything that’s space related gets you beaming from ear to ear. You read weird articles that no one really reads.  You believe in science with so much passion. Merchandises make you very, very happy and you can’t resist buying them. Having internet at home again put you over the moon because that means that you can game again. To most people this might be insanely weird, but I think that it’s cute. Remember that time when you were worried that I might think that you’re more nerdy than you put off? You’re fine.

This is for all the times you make me fall harder for you.

Your smile is so contagious, it leaves me smiling the entire day. Your eyes, they shine brighter than the stars. The way you look at me, makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. Everything you do makes me adore you more. I know it’s hard because we didn’t planned on this, and I know you’re trying to take things slow because 9000 miles is more torturous than we thought it was, and I know that slow is agonizing because denying it makes it more difficult. Despite all of that, I know it’s worth it. I know you’re worth it. Someday, baby, someday. ♥

Across the Universe.

Falling in love is scary. Falling in love with someone who lives across the world is even scarier.

I’ve found myself falling for this boy I met on the Internet and it scares me because I never thought it could happen, but it did. I have never really told anyone the whole story behind how I met him. So here’s my story:

I met him in a game, Diablo 3, in late July 2012, and before you go judging me, I wasn’t intentionally looking for a soul mate in a game. We started out as really casual in-game friends, if you will. We talked about the most basic things like what our real names are, where we live and what we like and dislike. I never expected this acquaintance to flourish into such a special friendship with such an amazing connection, and more than that, I never expected this friendship to exist outside the game.

His name is Derek. He lives in USA and I live in Singapore and we are exactly 12 hours apart. I found out that he’s working at his dad’s and we are both 23. We like pizza, beer and video games among other stuff. We found each other on Facebook and we continued to be in-game friends.

Then came one day, one fateful day, Derek’s housemate decided to use the bro code. Brought a girl home, and spent the entire night, well, you know. Derek, being the really nice person he is (and also to avoid all awkward moments), decided that he didn’t want to be at the house so he stayed in the shop, gaming alone, until he thought it was safe to go home. Because our time difference is 12 hours, I accompanied him while he waited out. He stayed up all night and only decided to head home at daybreak. We both thought it was best that he didn’t drive considering his lack of sleep albeit home being a short distance away. So I suggested that he walked home, and I’d accompany him on his walk home if he wanted me to. We then exchanged numbers and we started texting.

Everyday, for the next couple of months, we texted without fail. We texted each other from the moment we wake up all the way until we go to bed. And everyday, without fail and without much effort, he makes me smile. I found myself falling for him, and was relieved when I knew the feeling was mutual. He was there when I needed someone and vice versa. The texts became phone calls and video calls. Every now and then he would sneak me a video call at work.  Soon, Derek became my favorite part of my day and everyday I looked forward to him. And because we are 12 hours apart, he made me a morning person. Mornings were so much better and easier because of his texts and calls.

We talked about our hopes and ambitions; we shared dreams and fantasized about our future. Most of all, we talked about our fears, baggages and insecurities. And for a moment, a very brief moment, I began to believe that we might actually have a chance if we dared take a leap of faith. I was scared, but I was hopeful.

I like how he loves all things space-y, like I love the stars and night skies and everything beyond the Earth. I like how he’s such a nerd, like how I’ve always been such a closet nerd. Did I also mention that he has the most amazing smile and the most gorgeous eyes? He is such a sexy man and who would have expected that a boy like him would be gaming. Everyday, I am grateful to have found him and have him in my life.

He makes me want to behave myself, and he makes me think twice before jumping into an argument with him. I never want to hurt him and I never could hurt Derek.

More importantly, he believes that I am good enough and because he did, I began to believe that I am. He finds me sweet, and smart and cute and sexy and everything I never thought I was. He made me believe. Derek made me feel alive and I thank him for that everyday.

What are the odds of finding someone like Derek on the Internet? When I count my blessings, I count him twice.

I know it sounds really silly to say that I think at some point in time, I fell for him. A person I’ve never met in real life. A person who lives all the way across oceans and continents. He genuinely meant something to me, and he still means a lot to me. Derek reminded me of my hopes and dreams, and how it feels like to be happy, and smiling, for real.

We thought about being in a relationship and how difficult it was going to be with the distance between us. Not to mention the amount of explanation we have to do when someone asks about it. Our friends thought we were crazy, and believed that it wasn’t real. To be honest, even without the labels, I was happy. We were happy, we were in some kind of a relationship but we were happy. It was like our own version of an epic love story, although we never talked about being in love because to be honest, we have never met and it would be crazier than it already is if we called this love. One thing I knew for sure was that I will always be the luckiest girl because I have Derek.

He was going to be my forever and always.

It is now March 2013 and things have changed. We started arguing about the most insignificant things and we’re not really talking now. It pains me because he is after all my favorite part of my everyday. I miss Derek. If I could go back to when the fights started, I would never lose my temper because I would rather lose my pride than lose Derek.

I just wished he would let me fall for him, and let me love him. And I wished he knew.

And to quote John Green, “It seemed like forever ago, like we’d had this brief but still infinite forever.” Maybe someday, he could be the great star-crossed love of my life.