RE: A Total Sell Out.

I refer to my post on 15 June 2013 – A Total Sell Out.

It wasn’t too long ago that I thought myself to be a total sell out. I got myself a job that pays way more than I’m fetching right now, it wasn’t what I’d planned on doing – I wasn’t even in the industry I wanted to be in. But that job allowed me to travel, and I am forever grateful that I did it.

Sometimes, things may seem bleak at that point in time but circumstances always get better. You have to do what you have to do, and sometimes that means doing something that you don’t like. Sure, it may look unpromising when you’re doing it, but if it takes you to where you want to go, then that’s what you need to do.

Since that fairly self-reprimanding post, I’ve landed myself two advertising jobs. So things always have a way of working out, if you want them to bad enough.

5 January 2015, it’s time for bigger goals. I just need to remember that things always work out if I want it bad enough, and I need someone really important to me to remember that too.

#postbookdepression: Eleanor & Park

I haven’t made time to read a book in a while, and today I’ve finally finished Eleanor & Park. I’m not pleased with the ending, I can tell you that. And I’ve had my mind set on tweeting Rainbow Rowell right after I’ve finished writing this post.

But this book made me feel like I felt when I was happy, it took me back to the beginning of this year. I identified with Eleanor, red hair, big girl and Park, Park was the love of my life.

No books I’ve read has ever made me bawl my eyes out like The Fault in Our Stars did. I felt sad for all the other tragic love stories that I’ve read, but I never did cry cry. I didn’t think Eleanor & Park would do that.

I was on the bus home when I came to this part, when Richie had found out that Eleanor is hiding something and she had to run away from home, away from Park.

Life's a bastard.

I lost it. And then the book ended. And now I’m just a whole big mess of sad. bye.

Promises.

I can promise you that I will give you kisses every chance that I get, because to me, your kisses are the sweetest and dearest. I can promise you that I will always tell you how much I love you and not a day will go by that I will forget. Even if I’m tired, worn-out, and battered from the intensities of my day, I will always remember to tell you how I feel.

I can’t promise you that we won’t fight. Nor can I promise you that my arguments will always be reasonable. I can’t promise you that we will always agree to disagree about everything and nothing. I can’t promise you that I will always be rational, or easy to deal with. I can’t promise you that we won’t fight to keep us alive, or fall in love some more after all those fights.

I can promise you that I will always have your back, no matter what decisions you make in life. I can promise you that I will inspire you and be the solace that you seek when your day goes bad. I can promise you that I’ll always be by your side when you’re feeling weary and conflicted and on the verge of falling apart. I can promise you that I will love you with all my heart and soul and always strive to make you insanely happy.

I can’t promise you that I will eventually love watching the sci-fi movies, or TV shows that you love or ever get over my love for things that you don’t like. I can’t promise that your diet will be free of the vile fruit you hate – tomatoes. I can’t promise you that you won’t have to watch girly shows or that Squirtle will someday be a good pokemon. But we have a lot more in common than just these, so it’s okay. We’ll be okay.

I can promise you that I will always love the way you smell, even when you use that cologne you call Curve. I can promise you that I will always have my head buried in your chest, or my face in your neck because of the way you smell. Because when that happens, a sense of serenity and security engulfs me, telling me that everything is alright.

I can promise you that I will hold the crap out of your hand while walking down the streets anywhere in the world through all the seasons we weather. But I can’t promise that my hands will be anything but warm or sweaty. It’s a good thing you don’t mind any of that.

I can promise you that you make me a better person and hope that I do the same for you. I can promise you that I will always be the spark in your life, to challenge you and to spur you on. I can promise you that I will grow old with you and go through life’s ups and downs, come what may.

I can promise you that you make me the happiest girl in the world, and that you make me happier than I’ve ever been in my 25 years of age. The little things that you do for me, and how you notice the smallest thing about me when no one else bothers to. The way you hug me to sleep, shoving me to the safe side of the sidewalk, always holding the door for me, the way you look at me. The way you fall asleep, slowly at first, fighting ’til the end.

I can promise you that I do, so very much, love you too. I can promise you that I will always care for you, no matter what happens. I can promise you that I will never leave you to fend for yourself, or to abandon you when you need me most. I can promise you that I will see the world with you, and I can promise you that someday, the world will be ours to take.

Derek Hively, I can promise that you’ll be mine to love and to hold, forever and always.